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Winter 2005 musings ...
Turners like spalted Beech… … obviously not as much as any other kind of wood they get for free. It’s not that you turners are tight, though you all seem to squeak as you get out of my Landrover- it’s more you like a bargain. But, back to the Beech. I cannot keep up with the demand for good spalted beech. I haven’t quite sussed how best to let the fungi do it’s work, there being a difference of educated opinion on how to do it, so we have a done a little experiment. Having slabbed eight bits of slightly spalted Beech in April we stacked 4 bits in the sheds and the rest outside. One bit we have just thrown in a shady bit of the undergrowth and the others have covered with slab wood and sawdust to prevent checking by the sun.
Admittedly it looks a bit like a shallow grave and to be honest the wife is buried under the wood but I think it is a useful exercise. The result six months later in October is that the bit just thrown in the undergrowth has performed beautifully on the spalt front, the bits pictured are probably a bit less spalted so next time I’ll leave it to nature. Apart from the occasional… … sales enquiry the website produces a daily pile of spam. The most common of which offer me dodgy eastern European Viagra , various tranquilizers and very generous offers to enlarge my penis. It does worry me that so many people around the world somehow know I am a nervous, impotent wreck desperate for a bigger willy. Very rarely I get a message from someone who although not wanting to buy wood has an interest in it. A few like the newsletters (best buy some cheap drugs) and some like Richard at the time working in Wales do what I do full time and a lot better than me. Richard has a Woodmizer mobile saw that would make most sawyers jealous. It loads trunks hydraulically and a computer calculates the cut to ensure minimum kerf loss: blade cut, I had to look it up in the dictionary. I eventually talked him into visiting in August but you’ll have to wait until next newsletter for more on this. Converting the Landrover… … to Christianity - hang on that was Brian from Satanism, I mean to LPG - gas to the interested has proved a good move. It runs better than petrol and at 38p a litre cuts fuel bills in half. I had it done when the Landrover was completely refurbished about 3 years ago. It only cost me £500 for everything. The trick is extort £500 each from your 4 sisters and brother on the vague promise that they can use it visiting the woods. The one drag was having to drive 7 miles to other side of Andover to the only garage to sell LPG. This twice monthly chore would have been ok but for the fact that the pump was in amongst the petrol ones. Have you noticed how people fill their vehicle and then instead of moving up to allow you on the pump look at you then stroll into the shop. They then have a leisurely stroll round the shop doing god knows what before emerging 20 minutes later walking as slowly as possible back . They then spend another 5 minutes doing their makeup in the mirror (mostly the men). None appear bothered by me driving to within ½ an inch of their bumpers revving the engine. It’s now a thing of the past ! - a place a couple of miles from base has got a pump and it’s on a direct route to the sawmill and there is never a queue… bliss. In early summer the Landrover flew through it’s MOT with no major expense which prompted me to open my mouth about how good it was for a 20 year machine. The following picture and several hours stuck in a country lane and a bill for £186 for a wiring fault needs no further explanation. So May became June… … before we noticed it and the arrival of another load of Oak and Beech from Gordon. With John away sailing but help from nephew Nick we soon racked and stacked it. One memorable June day when it was just Brian and myself we did seven trees. Admittedly neither of us could move the next day. When the Grim Reaper… … has taken good customers in the past we have been devastated. It takes time to build relationships and develop custom that takes no effort – they know the way to the woods and fit in with our limited hours. During the summer we lost our only American customer. A turner, who was happy to delve into the darkest corners of the wood shed and liberate stuff that had sat for many a year. Happily, Bill isn’t brown bread, but just as bad has relocated to California. Of course he tried to soften the blow by saying he is keeping a place in London, but I know where the big new lathe is being sited. Brian did his usual…
As in previous years… … the summer flew past. Quiet as usual on sales, but excellent for maintenance jobs. One big one we had been putting off was to remove the saw and bed and excavate all the saw dust and put down concrete supports.
Brian a former proper digger driver was in his element working away for 4 hours scraping a levelling. As you can see, it was only a little digger and it looks easy operating it but when John and I had a go we soon realised it was harder than it looked and quickly shoved Brian back on board. As Autumn heads… … for Winter we are still in Limbo waiting for Brian’s op. No date, no opportunity to plan. There is also another dark cloud gathering on the helper front. On the plus side the flies have departed and we have more timber than ever. Come and see us. Fill our hearts with joy or failing that my pockets with cash. Anyone who hasn’t been over for a year or two will definitely notice a difference in the tidiness and quality of stock. Regards, Paul Goulden. |
